To call Tim Burton’s ’01 “re-imagining” of Planet of The Apes aggressively awful would be to do it a kindness. I fear no assemblage of words will do the wretchedness of this movie justice. Give a single monkey a single typewriter, a deadline, and a bottle of bourbon, he’d write a movie better than this one.
If there’s one good thing to be said about Battle For The Planet of The Apes—and there is indeed only one—it’s that the previous three movies in the series are retrospectively brilliant in comparison.
We last left the apes wondering if Zira and Cornelius’s baby would grow up and spawn a race of super-intelligent apes that would one day take over the world. WRONG! Well, sort of.
“Take your stinking paws off me, you damn dirty ape!”