Star Trek Into The Darkness of The Star Wars Prequels?

Star Trek Into Darkness, with no colon in there, because it’s stupider this way, will be demolishing movie theaters next summer. Is it next summer? It’s sometime. I think we’re supposed to get excited about it now. Like, really excited. Because it’s dark. And we like dark. Darkness is in. There was that whole Batman business, and then James Bond wrestling his inner demons, and Spiderman was a very serious young man with very serious acne or something, and soon Superman will be reborn not as a cheerful savior in blue tights, but as a grim, frowny-face man with some nasty childhood abandonment issues, and an interest in clam fishing.

So Star Trek is jumping in there too, as this exceptionally explodey teaser trailer makes clear. Let’s have a look:

What movie is this again? I thought Star Trek was that show where the nice peoples fly around in a super-cool spaceship and discover crazy shit on new planets, or at the very least do battle with Klingons or Romulans or giant, planet-eating space-tubes. Not this time. This time there appears to be a man who’s mad at Kirk. He’s going to blow up the planet where the Jedi Council meets to spite him.

I.e., this time it’s personal. Sure. It worked for Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan (note the well-placed colon in that name). Which movie of course involved awesome spaceship battles. In space.

J.J. Abrams proved with the last Star Trek movie that he could make a lot of money. He proved with Super 8 that he could imitate Spielberg’s visual style. I haven’t noticed Abrams having any style of his own yet. Maybe he’s doing his version of Christopher Nolan with this movie?

Anyway, lots of shit blows up in this teaser. The Enterprise is nowhere to be seen. The bad guy remains a mystery, though I hear he’s the guy with the glowing eyes from the original show. Who was never all that interesting, was he? I barely remember that episode, and I must have seen it twenty times as a kid.

In short, this looks like yet another movie about the childhood issues of the main character. Backstory as drama. Yawn. Why can’t characters in movies simply do things anymore? Why does every movie spend an hour with the protagonist in therapy?

Is coming up with a new planet, a new species of inhabitants, a new kind of threat, too difficult? I suppose so. Instead we get Kirk’s angry childhood friend throwing a tantrum in what looks like an outtake from The Phantom Menace. Sigh.

3 responses on “Star Trek Into The Darkness of The Star Wars Prequels?

  1. i thought that was the Enterprise shrouded in some sort of lake mist or something? As if to be like: “SURPRISE! It’s the Enterprise! In a Star Trek movie!!!!!”

    This looks boring to me. A lot of CGI clusterfuck and no character, in both sense of the word. This could be a Star Trek movie or an Ice Pirates movie.

  2. In regards to the last two paragraphs. maybe it’s just a reflection of current society.

    I’m pretty sure that is the Enterprise is coming out of the ocean in the trailer. Which is plain weird.

    I think Devin from BAD said it best on twitter ‘anyone remember when Star Trek was about ideas’. 99% of movies coming out of the Hollywood just don’t have space for ideas anymore.

    Watching the new trailer just made me realise I don’t actually remember anything from the 2009 film.

  3. people sure seemed to love that last Trek movie. it had its moments, but man was it ever dumb. definitely not an idea-based movie. fun to see all the old characters re-done, but that only went so far.

    i implied above that the villain was Gary Mitchell from one of the first Trek episodes, but i guess that’s still not official? everyone’s still talking like Cumberbatch is playing Khan, but wouldn’t that be the dumbest way to go? to just immitate the first Star Trek II? is Abrams that desperate? i would guess not. but who knows.

    there’s also the japanese teaser out there, with a few more shots, including a bit that looks like it’s right out of Trek II. maybe they are that desperate.

    i don’t think that’s the Enterprise rising out of the water. looks like the wrong shape. but there’s a later shot of what looks like the Enterprise crashing into water.

Yeah, well, you know, that's just, like, your opinion, man.