Battle Of The Absolute Equals: The Terminator (1984) vs Cherry 2000 (1987)

Battle Of The Absolute Equals is a new SB4MC feature that seeks to definitively rank and compare two indistinguishable films. Unless otherwise noted, each of the following figures and statistics is accurate per film.

  • Number of humanoid robots, of the type in question: lots
  • Number of humanoid robots that we give a shit about: one
  • Number of aspects or attributes that makes this particular humanoid robot special: none
  • Sexiness of robot plus nakedness of robot divided by ultimately revealed uselessness of robot, each as expressed on a zero to one scale: two
  • How often we ought to worry that technological advancement is both inevitable and the gateway to an emotional or physical apocalypse: constantly
  • Protagonists who initially don’t believe that the robot is bad news: one
  • Somewhat more compelling secondary protagonists who know the robot isn’t good news and must struggle to convince our initial protagonist: one
  • Cool scenes of the robot doing markedly inhuman humanoid robot shit all by themselves: one or two, whatever, they both do that at some point
  • Instances of the robot getting totally owned by some much more primitive robot, one that has a single function such as washing dishes or pressure-flattening industrial components: one
  • Hectic warehouse crescendos: one
  • Triumphs of our essential humanity over our nihilistic thirst for futuretech, at least for now: one

FINAL SCORE:    THESE ARE SORT OF THE SAME MOVIE

 

 

3 responses on “Battle Of The Absolute Equals: The Terminator (1984) vs Cherry 2000 (1987)

Yeah, well, you know, that's just, like, your opinion, man.