Mind Control Quiz: Autobots & Decepticons
Are you smarter than an Autobot? Prove it, sucker.
Let’s Spend the Night Together and Film It
Mick looks angry, Keith looks like he’s come to fix the sink, Wood is just joshing, Wyman resembles a cardboard stand-up, and Watts like he’s running sums in his head.
Trapped With Idiots In Room 237
In which a documentary narrated by a number of loons describing their pet theories on what Stanley Kubrick’s The Shining is really about is given some thought.
The Rover Makes Its Bed of Bones
As far as depicting a world gone completely tits up goes, you’d be hard pressed to top the work of Australians.
Going Ape #6: Planet Of The Apes – The 2001 Tim Burton Remake
To call Tim Burton’s ’01 “re-imagining” of Planet of The Apes aggressively awful would be to do it a kindness. I fear no assemblage of words will do the wretchedness of this movie justice. Give a single monkey a single typewriter, a deadline, and a bottle of bourbon, he’d write a movie better than this one.
How to Train Your Dragon 2, Drain Your Flagon 3, and Paint Your Wagon 4
Not the most imaginative title, but at least it doesn’t have a colon in it.
Mind Control Double Feature #100: Perfect Squares
My faith lies with a young Val Kilmer, even though he cannot, right now, nail a six-inch spike through a board with his penis.
The Creepy Fable That Is Borgman
Is Borgman a man? A faerie? A nimble forest sprite? A demon? Whatever he is, he’s going to be trouble. You don’t want to mess with Borgman. You want to stick an eight foot spike through him.
Joe? No!
For your perusal, here’s the first review by our new, highly unpaid intern, Jimbo “Wally” Smoop.
I Think I Liked 22 Jump Street
Perhaps it’s just good for a comedy sequel, which is an awfully low bar to leap.
Oh Boy! A Coffee In Berlin
Some days all you want is a cup of coffee, and you can’t even get that much right.
The Signal is Clear
… as mud.
Mind Control Double Feature #99: Beware The Middleman
Two unique movies about nefarious middlemen that are the same movie but entirely different movies even though they’re precisely the same!
Godzilla: The Original 1954 Atomic Bad-Ass
There are a few good things to be said about the new Godzilla. The best thing to be said is that it inspired a theatrical re-release of the original, Raymond Burr-free Japanese version from 1954.