Is The Abyss Abysmal?
Everyone in The Abyss, everyone watching The Abyss should logically be dead.
Author Archives: Evil Genius
Exodus: Gods and Burger Kings
The first plague is tornadoes. The second is digital hail. The third is running. Fourth is exploding seagulls and fifth is xenomorphs.
Heathers Holds Up
You can’t change the course of teen culture. All you can do is survive — and pick your friends more carefully.
Big Bad Wolves: What a Big Viscera You Have
All the better to void myself in front of you, my dear.
Mind Control Quiz: Autobots & Decepticons
Are you smarter than an Autobot? Prove it, sucker.
Let’s Spend the Night Together and Film It
Mick looks angry, Keith looks like he’s come to fix the sink, Wood is just joshing, Wyman resembles a cardboard stand-up, and Watts like he’s running sums in his head.
The Rover Makes Its Bed of Bones
As far as depicting a world gone completely tits up goes, you’d be hard pressed to top the work of Australians.
How to Train Your Dragon 2, Drain Your Flagon 3, and Paint Your Wagon 4
Not the most imaginative title, but at least it doesn’t have a colon in it.
Mind Control Double Feature #100: Perfect Squares
My faith lies with a young Val Kilmer, even though he cannot, right now, nail a six-inch spike through a board with his penis.
I Think I Liked 22 Jump Street
Perhaps it’s just good for a comedy sequel, which is an awfully low bar to leap.
The Signal is Clear
… as mud.
The Edge of Tomorrow Maxes Out Today
Two characters. One vague villain. Only a whiff of backstory. No transparent lunges towards a potential sequel.
Mind Control Double Feature #98: I Ain’t Afraid of No Ghost
Zombies, ghosts, and poltergeists are (the remains of) people, too.
Fast & Furious 6 Sicks Up All Over Itself
I should have stopped watching these films after Fast Five.