Some Positive Thoughts about Jupiter Ascending
If you have been dying to see Sean Bean act in a film in which he does not die and in which he plays a bee soldier, Jupiter Ascending might remove that last final chunk of your will to live.
Category Archives: What Not to Watch
Take This Job And Shove It, or: Happy Labor Day!
Why not celebrate Labor Day by quitting your job? Hooray!
Brubaker: Hard Time with Repeat Offenders
Brubaker is one of those films that you really need to read about.
The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies
Let’s just pretend it doesn’t exist and never speak of it again.
Five Amazing Things About the Maze Runner
Will you go to the Maze Prom with me?
Failing To Enjoy Jupiter Ascending On An Aeroplane
It’s all gunplay, explodey bits, and kisses from here on out. Whatever planet they’re on seems pretty disposable. And flammable.
Jerry Lewis’s Hardly Working: The Worst Movie I Have Ever Seen
I have found the great white whale of bad films. It is so staggeringly incompetent that it makes you long for the narrative cohesion of Highlander 2: The Quickening.
Divergent is the Perfect Film to Not Watch Right Now
If any of Divergent makes sense to you, I’m genuinely sorry.
Donnie Brasco? You Must Be Joking
A movie that demands to be moved straight to the top of your Movies Not To Watch list.
What Not to Watch: The Skeleton Twins
Films about suicide should probably try harder to not make you want to kill yourself.
What Not To Watch: The Stuff
Need a movie not to watch? Look no further! The Stuff is gloopy, delicious, and very, very bad for you.
So Many Movies to Not Watch
Having a hard time deciding what not to watch? Please allow Stand By For Mind Control special correspondent MC Frontalot to help you out by watching many movies he — and you — should keep clear of your optical sockets.
What Not to Watch: 42
42 makes Jackie Robinson as interesting as day 12 of the Overcooked Vegetable Conference of America.
Mind Control Quiz: Autobots & Decepticons
Are you smarter than an Autobot? Prove it, sucker.